That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
