You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
