she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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