I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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