Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
