then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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