I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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