doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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