my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize