can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
