if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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