girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
