Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
