Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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