im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
