i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
