Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize