What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
