i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
