I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
