Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
