I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
