So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize