Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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