haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
