I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
