Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
