Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
