I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
