**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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