I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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