The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
