god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
