So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
