happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So squirting runs in the family.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize