someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
