that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
