yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Quick, to the slutcave!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
