dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
