who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
