is your mom at the bar?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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