Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
