Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
