Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
