My room smells like vodka and shame
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
