i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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