He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
