I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
