You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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