I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
