I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
