We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize