ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
