I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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