I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
