hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think i have two assholes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
