i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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