Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
