Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
