I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you would pick up someone in the library
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
