I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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