drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This baby is an asshole
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize