just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
