Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
