I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize