If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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