i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
