We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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