I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
