Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
