Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
