No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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