He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
