I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
