Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
