The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
