noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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