He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
