there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
