the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize