Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
