Your tits are I can't wait for
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
