i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
