the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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