the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
