shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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